Reminiscing and Reverie

I am more aware than ever of my fragility and my mortality.  Lately, everything I see and take in reminds me that, as time progresses, there may now be much less time to waste, and yet sometimes what to a casual observer may seem like wasting time is actually an effort to completely immerse myself in the present moment; savoring the sensations and the feelings and the memories.  Reverie can be a pleasant indulgence if the theme of the remembrance is a pleasant one. I will admit to being surprised occasionally at how much I enjoy my sensory experiences, perhaps sitting in a tub filled with warm soapy water, alone in the early afternoon at home, listening to some relaxing music of some sort, which is especially conducive to reverie. 

I recently began to review some of my writings from years ago, where I look back at some of my less-than-successful attempts to steer my life in a particular direction, and came across a recounting of several episodes of spending time on lazy summer evenings between semesters at school, when I was able to give my attention to a young lady of my acquaintance.  We would sit and talk together for hours, just enjoying our lengthy conversations for a time, and occasionally ending up being in ever-closer physical proximity, simply relishing the closeness of two like-spirits, drinking it all in, maybe enjoying a brief stolen kiss when the conversation lent itself to such a moment.  Even when these encounters didn’t progress in the way I had hoped, I was still able to savor the moments of closeness.

Looking back on these moments now, I am still able to recall how I most often would simply let the circumstances unfold as they did, not judging or pressing for a particular outcome, while still being open to whatever might occur. With interpersonal relationships, I rarely felt as though I had to engage in any sort of deliberate actions, for whatever reason, and perhaps that may account for the number of times that those connections eventually faded away or simply ended.  Reading through my recollections has helped me to understand myself a bit better these days, and the distinction between reminiscing and reverie becomes clearer as well.  Reminiscing is lingering in the past—to what was.  Reverie is about what might be, what could be.  While I am grateful for the foresight to have recorded these remembrances, and for how they inform the person I am now, I know now that I cannot cling to them or dwell on the consequences of past actions. Life moves forward always, and so must we all.

I have always been of the mind that as we participate subjectively in the sensory temporal experience of life, we also enjoy an aspect to our human nature, which suggests the participation of what might be described as a “sacred nature,” which is a contributing factor that enhances our subjective awareness, raising it in the process to an exponentially higher level.  The recognition of a more profound nature to our human experience requires a deliberate effort to discover it and to nurture it in our daily lives, but it seems clear to me that it is there whether we recognize it or not.  It seems unnecessary to me to infer any sort of specific religious source in describing this aspect of our nature as “sacred,” although it may be possible to achieve an awareness of it through spiritual practices, and for some, this may be the right path to such achievement.  Regardless of how it is achieved, the recognition is essential to our ability to progress and flourish in life, in my view, and the longer we persist in the pursuit the more likely we will be to succeed in the effort.

I’ve been reading a book with the title of “A Sense of the Mysterious; Science and the Human Spirit,” by Alan Lightman.  Dr. Lightman is a scientist and a writer from whom I have gained a renewed sense of the mysterious. “Original, thoughtful, and beautifully written,” according to the reviews, the author is refreshingly open to the realm of possibility. Educated at Princeton, having received a Ph.D. in theoretical physics from the California Institute of Technology, it seems that he has directed the emphasis of his education to work on some apparently fairly unscientific endeavors, along with the more traditional studies that have placed him in a position to expound on them.  He feels strongly that the “human spirit” is real and needs to be addressed. He equates the human spirit with our awareness of an inner life. I was particularly intrigued by his descriptions of his early childhood, which included many similar experiences to those I had as a young child.  The technological advancement we have experienced in the 21^st century, in many cases, seems to have put the inner life of the human spirit on the back burner with many in the scientific community, and for some, considering it not ever worthwhile studying. He takes a courageous position reviewing a host of the intellectual, moral, and spiritual reference points for judging and criticizing technology.  Along with all the advancements in modern technology, we also have to have and maintain an awareness of our inner lives.  He recalls the silences and the inner solitude that he experienced as a child; in a very similar fashion to the way that I remember mine.  He remembers the places of the stillness and writes about them fully acknowledging that he was having these thoughts.  In the chapter entitled, “The Wired World,” he writes:

“The Wired World, for good or for ill, is the world that we live in. Capitalism and technology, for good or for ill, are here to stay. But, as potent and pervasive as these forces are, I do not think we can blame them for the absence of privacy and silence and inner reflection in our lives. We must blame ourselves. For not letting my mind wander and roam, I must blame myself. For allowing myself to be plugged in to the frenzied world around me twenty-four hours a day, I must blame myself. Only I can determine my personal set of priorities and values; reflect on who I am and where I am going; become aware of those many small decisions I make throughout the day.  The responsibility is mine. Understanding that the responsibility is mine is a kind of freedom in itself.”

Reflecting now on my recent camping adventure to visit the natural world, surrounded by Mother Nature, reading Dr. Lightman’s words, they struck a chord so familiar to me and resonated within me so completely, it occurred to me that this is what I have been writing about these many years. This urgency that I feel to describe my experiences of my own inner world, to show that we actually have an inner life and how it’s evolving even now, along with all the technology and modern sensibilities that we deal with daily, I posit that it’s all part of that same evolution, but some parts are getting more attention than others. I have keenly felt this deficit in attention to this important aspect of our nature, and I called my blog, “John’s Consciousness,” the consciousness with which I am most familiar, and I believe with all my heart that we need to pay more attention to our inner lives and to the character of our human spirit, as well as to the science and technology of our day. We can’t let either one fall behind.